Holy flying fuckballs!!

Ok. So I realize that the vulgar language is not needed, but there is a good reason for it- I swear!

I passed, people, I really passed. For realies. I PASSED MY WASTEWATER TEST!!!!!!!!!!

I can't say much more, as I am to relieved and way too flippin' excited.

Money trumps Happiness

Really? It does?
Yup, sure does. Bring on those greenbacks!
Happiness is important, yo. Don't be an idiot. Money can't trump happiness ever!
Yeah well, money is important too. Don't you have expensive taste in make-up?
Make-up makes me happy, therefore it does not matter what it costs.
okay, how the holy hell are you going to buy the make-up without any money, you incredibly dense fucknut?

This internal monologue brought to you by the House of Insanity-AKA- The brain of Erin

So there you have it. My decision was made. I am foregoing happiness for a chance to earn more money. I'm not really stoked on the tech support position at all, but I understand that in these dark economic times, I am lucky to get offered such a plump-paying position. I have made peace with my decision, I have, but every morning at my doggie job, I am reminded why I enjoy working there so much. I spent 15+ minutes sitting with a kitty, while he head-bumped me and licked my nose. I sat on the floor of a kennel (room) with a crazy pug, just playing and cuddling. Dog slobber, cat hair and really cool people = a really fun place to work. I am extremely sad to see it slip away. I try to remain cavalier about it, when I am there."no big deal, I will see you guys if you ever call me in." but I am super bummed. Even bummed enough to call my mood melancholy. Melodramatic, maybe, but I only have 2 days left and I really really really don't want it to end.
Enter in another fab tidbit. I take my Waste Water Operator 1 test on Saturday. I have been cracking the books like crazy. I have been quickly reminded that even though my class ended in June, I should have continued to study at least a little bit each month. I feel like I am in quicksand. I can't remember anything from my class. I am going over all this stuff my buddy put together for me (thank god he did. Without his help I would be up the proverbial creek without a fuckin' paddle) and I am lost. Am I panicking because I am nervous? Probably. What if I fail? The ones that have taken it say I will pass, but what if I don't? How big of a failure will I be!?!! Oh my god, I will be SO embarrassed if I don't pass. I should have studied more. I should have started hitting it a long time ago. I just figured that it would be better to study the week before so it would be fresh in my brain. Yeah, look at me. Writing in my fucking blog because the studying is making me want to throw up. I swear, I am my own worst fucking enemy. I am lazy and I make stupid decisions.
Sometimes I just want to kick myself in the head. Why do I make everything so difficult for myself? Any normal person would say, "hey! you do that because you like to be challenged. A struggle invigorates you!" Yeah, no. I don't like it, yet problem after problem comes up and I consistently make it messy. Now I've gone and riled myself up.
Anyhoo, back to the books.....

What do I do? Help!

Panic, table for 1 please!
So, the tech support gig offered me the job yesterday and for quite a bit more than they offered back in Febuary. I haven't heard from the poop plant about the internship (though, I have emailed twice) and I am currently sitting at my receptionist job, that I like a lot.
What do I do? Do I take the good paying job, on the chance that I might never break into the wastewater industry?? Do I rest on my laurels (sidebar- what the fuck is up with that stupid expression and why the hell did I just use it??) here at my little paying job and hope to still score an internship and just buckle down finance-wise? Maybe I get a different second job (ditch the winery gig, since there have been no hours from there) that pays ok and maybe that would balance out?
Anyways, totally freaking the fuck out over here. Not sure what to do, where to go. My brain is going in 5 million different directions and I can't even being to settle on a decision.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!

Queue the creepy Poltergeist music....which makes me kinda sad to think about cuz didn't that poor little blond girl die during the 3rd one? Cardiac Arrest or something yucky. Poor thing, anyways.. here I am. Remember that whole "I'm not going to let my blog go stagnant and I am going to nurture it and blah blah blah? Yeah, I didn't really do that. My apologies. I'm back and I am back with a vengeance. Lots of stuff on my mind today, so sit back and get ready for the verbal vomit!
Doesn't life have a way of just suddenly popping up and smacking you in the face? I lie, I was actually thinking that life has a way of just all of the sudden smacking you in the nuts, but then again, thankfully I do not have nuts so really I couldn't tell you how it feels if life sucker-punches you in them. I would imagine it hurts bunches. Anyways, you get my point. Your sitting there, all comfortable in your pitiful role of languishing and bitter housewife then all of the sudden..BAM! Hello! I am life and I just cold-cocked ya.
7 months I was unemployed. I was bored and miserable and not much fun to be around. DOn't say I wasn't cuz near the end, I was even pissing myself off! Now, I have too much on my plate and I am starting to want to rip my eyelashes out ( I would have said hair, but eyelashes seemed way more painful).
Job #1- I am employed by a nice little family winery to completely reorganize their wine club and make them a bit more organized and functional. The pay is decent, I work from home (which is wicked weird and not very structured) and well...it's a job. Bumbling idiot's come to mind, but at least they are nice an leave me to my own devices. There is something to be said for being your own boss. It's fucking lovely. The ability to work in various stages of dress and with a cat on my lap is also a huge plus.
Job #2- I work from 6:30AM to 12:30PM Monday through Thursday as a receptionist at a place called Fit 'N' Furry. It's a dog/cat and critter boarding, grooming and daycare facility. Though I preform all the duties of a receptionist, I get to play with all the dogs in doggie daycare and cuddle the kitties that are boarding. The pay is awful, but I am nice and happy there. The animals are awesome and I like all my co-workers. Let me reitterate, the pay is terrible. Seriously, I haven't made this little since I worked for minimum wage back when I was 15. I enjoy it though and sometimes that's just a tad more important than the money. Though, I don't know how long I can stick it out making that little, but damn it if I don't work with the cutest bunch of animals ever!! I do enjoy all the creatures.In fact, I like them more than I like most humans. After 17 years of solid customer service, there is a bit of my sanity coming back and just the faintest glimmer of contentment.
Class- I am taking a Tennis class on Monday and Wednesday evenings and I LOVE it. Good excersise and it is rekindling a love that I have harbored for a long time. I forgot how much I loved playing and I never realized how much I missed it.
Internship- I have applied for an internship at a local poop plant. I went for an interview last week and I think I would be a really good fit there. The only thing I am waiting on to see if THEY think I am a good fit for them and if they could work around my wonky-ass schedule. This internship will be taking place around my dog-job hours and all day on Friday, which is my day off. I WANT IT BADLY. It will give me the experience (on paper) that I need to get an Operator-in-Training gig. Maybe they will look past the fact that I have boobs (albeit great ones) and say "hey, she has already worked in a plant and for FREE no less!!! Let's hire her!!"

Now, enter Life and the painfull flogging. I got headhunted. Seriously no fooling! Someone actually called me and said "hey! we liked you way back when and we want you to give us another shot". Should feel good right? The ego should be preening a bit, yes? Yeah, NO. Remember way back in February when I got an offer for a tech support gig for winery software and I turned them down? Well, they called me last week and wanted to know if I would be interested in coming in for another interview. There had been some "restructuring" of the company and they wanted to see if I would be at all interested again. Well, curiosity and guilt (guilt because I make no money) got the better of me and I went in last Friday. The interview went uncomfortably well. I should hear from them this week.
Why now? Wasn't I just an unemployed lame-ass for the last 7 months? Why does all this shit have to go down now? I wish I would have known that poop plants have internships (maybe something my professor could have mentiontioned????) and I would have applied WAY earlier! Why did that company keep my resume, even though I turned them down? Why does the one job I love pay so little? Why why why? Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. This blows.
Now I am in a total quandry. If I get offered the tech support gig, then I will be making good pre-lay off money and it will be 1 stable Monday thru Friday job. I can be a run-of-the-mill worker bee in a job that I am ho-hum about until a job comes up in a wastewater plant. Done. No crazy schedule. No back and forth between 2 jobs. Nice paycheck every other week that allows us to have our cushion back in our checking account.
The other scenario: I stick it out with the bad paying jobs, all the while hopefully working in my internship to gain experience in the ONE industry that I want to be in. The lack of money will force us to SERIOUSLY tighten our belts and be miserable and then we will have to eat Ramen. Lots and lots of Ramen. Now, I enjoy those salty little noodles as much as the next guy, but fuck, that is just bleak. I guess it all hinges on the fated internship. If I get it, it only makes sense to take it and deal with the Ramen and lack of social happenings. If I don't, then it is on to the sensible well paying job, that is IF they offer it too me. Sigh, sigh and a triple, super pathetic siiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.

On a happier note: The boys have almost completed their rail car and the Regatta is in 2 weeks. For those who have no clue what I am talking about, go to the weldedsykkellen blog link that's posted on the right. The 4 boys include my husband and 3 of our dear friends. They have spent many many hours building and creating this car and they have almost finished. I am SO proud of them for sticking it out : )

What else? Gee, I think the 5 million paragraphs above pretty much cover it. I could add a couple flowery little things and other fun happenings that have been going on, but I gotta get to Tennis class. BTW-sidebar-My ass is looking great and I can FINALLY zip up boots that go to the knee AND, I am down 2 pants sizes. Woo-hoo! Sorry, I had to give myself a shout-out. It's just with all of the walking, hiking, tennis and trying to eat right, I am finally seeing results and it's the first time in a looooooooooong time that I have actually been comfortable in my skin. Yay!

I bid you all adios.

XOXOXO

To all who read my mindless ramblings, bitchings and musings:

I love and appreciate all of you SOOOOOOOOOOOO much.

Please tell at least 2 people how much you love them today! (I'm not sayin' you have to stick to 2. If you wanna tell everyone you love them, that is cool with me!)

I know, strange post. I am feeling very Hallmark cardy right now.

Grrrrrrr

Why is it that people say they will call you by the end of the week and never do? Why can't they just say, "we will let you know"? By saying they will call me by the end of the week, I naturally assume that, hey, I will get a call by Friday. Here it is, 3:13PM on Friday and my phone ain't ringing. I'm not desperate, but me sitting around the house staring at my fucking phone and waiting for that call makes me feel like I am. It makes me feel week and stupid and, blech...desperate. I hate that. Oh well, it's still early...maybe he will call and say " Erin, we would absolutely LOVE for you to come work with us as a technician. You are exactly what we have been looking for." Maybe....

Sidebar: why the fuckity fuck can I never spell technician right? I always spell it technition. Secondly: when I spell it wrong, why does technician NEVER come up in the dictionary options? Frustrating...this is me being all frustrated and whatnot.

updates and such

You know when something is new and you can't stop doing it cuz it's fun and exciting and different and well...new? Then, that something becomes old and mundane and a constant reminder of all the time you have and they fact that you don't have a job and that you suck...do you know that feeling?
Well, that's how I feel about my computer. In the beginning, it was fun to sit outside for hours and plug away at my laptop, write on my blog and chill. Now, I just kinda stare at it with disdain. But that doesn't mean I should cease to write right? There's so many witty pundits and critisisms out there, all waiting to be put in my blog. I admit it, I let my little blog go stagnant. Like a plant not being watered, my words were all dried up and bitter. The problem was that I just didn't have anything of any value to say. Nothing funny, nothing witty, nothing even angry. I am here to say that I am back, ready to write. Ready to bring you back into the world of Erin, as crazy and rambunctious as that may be.

The most recent thing of note is a job interview I had today. It was a tech/driver gig for a coffee company. For all you office people out there: You know those coffee services in your breakroom that always work and never cease to run out of coffee? Well, I interviewed for a position to be the person that fixes those machines when they break and bring you all the coffee your office can handle. Also, installing new machines for new customers. I was super excited about it for 3 reasons. #1: I could continue to deliver excellent customer service while not being chained to a desk and be more "hands-on". #2: the job would teach me light plumbing, a skill worth it's weight in gold and which would transfer over nicely to a wastewater gig. #3: I love coffee and working with it would be cool. The guy liked me. I answered all the questions extraordinarily. I looked great, but not too great cuz I didn't want him to think I was way too girly for the position. Translation: I left the heels at home, wore a nice pair of khaki pants with my best mary-jane docs and a cute cardigan with a nice camisole that showed off my...assets nicely cuz quite frankly, a good pair of boobs only helps things along right? Right. The employment add asked for someone with a mechanical mind (I got's that) and someone with good customer service skills (I gots that in spades) and also that there was no experience necessary and that they would train. Sweet, it's a win-win. I gots this gig in the bag. And it would seem so. The guy even said that he wished he didn't have any more interviews and that he really like me! Here is the only caveat, and methinks it's a big one. He asked me if I would be interested in "Sales". Sales, huh. Say with me folks..."Sales". For those that know and love me, they know that I would rather lose my big toe than to do "sales". There really is no reason to keep putting "sales" in quotes, I just think it makes it look more ominous..so don't get all grammatical on me ; ) Why would it I be interested in "sales"?? Did I apply for a "sales" position? No. I sure didn't. Oh yeah, I'm a girl, so naturally I should be interested in "sales". How fucking sexist is that? I don't want a "sales" job. I want the tech job. I nicely reiterated that I was really more interested in the tech position. He said that he just wanted me to think about it, just in case he interviews and hires another applicant that has more mechanical experience. Which I get, I really do, but FUCK. Also, he said that I would have to pass a drug test. I said "that's fine, I have no problem with that". Then, this is where a bit of the sexist thing comes in again...He also said that should I be offered the tech position, that I would have to pass a physical. One that makes sure that I can manage all the "heavy lifting". Let me just say that the sentance prior to him telling me that little nugget was "Most of our machines weigh 20lbs and there is one that is too heavy to lift on your own, regardless of how strong you are, so anyone would need help lifting that". So, a question enters my brain..is he thinking that I am going to have a problem lifting 20lbs?? Do I look like a delicate fucking flower? I told him that I had no beef with the lifting and in fact I am stronger than I look. I went on (because at this point I needed him to know that just because I have a vagina instead of a penis, I can do manual labor and I felt I had to prove myself, shit...I digress...) anyways, I went on to say that when I worked at the winery that I regularly lifted cases upon cases of wine and champagne and that I could carry 2 cases of bubbly, each weighing 48-52lbs each, with ease. That seemed to drive my point home and he went on to tell me how much he liked me. Yay, point Erin. I just don't get it. I would never assume that because of ones gender, they could only do certain jobs. Hey, there are jobs I gladly leave to the boys. The dudes on Discovery's "Deadliest Catch" is one. Another is a prison guard. Not at a county jail, but at a maximum security deal. Even then, I don't begrudge a girl the opportunity to do those jobs at all. Go for it. I guess I am just frustrated. I think the frustration stems from the fact that it is proving super hard to get into the wastewater field, and I know it's because I am a girl. It's cool though. I will take my operators test in October and I will pass. I will keep plugging along, hoping that some Plant manager takes a chance on me. Who am I fucking kidding... I am hoping I apply at a time that they have to filll their State required "girl quota" and I will gladly take advantage of my "weaker sex" then : )

So there you go. Erin as of 3:02pm, July 14th. 4 cigarette's in and a little bit lighter due to walking 3+ miles a day. I could catch you all up on the mindless day-to-day crap that has taken place since my last post, but I don't wanna. I will say though that my neighborhood went OFF on the 4th of July. Hell, the neighborhood behind us lit up the sky like a war-zone. It was awesome!

Bye for now friends. I will try to post more here on out. Promise : )

Yay for California!

Today's post is not about me, for a change. No complaining about boredom or joblessness. No whining about my poop class (which is over and I got a B!! woo-hoo!!!) or the fact that I am sitting outside with no smokes. ok, that was about me a little bit...but NO MORE!!!!

Today is about a decision made by the Supreme Court of CA back in May. A decision that goes into effect at 5:00pm this wonderfully balmy afternoon. The state has finally lifted the ban on same-sex marriages! At 5:00, every same-sex marriage that takes place will be legal. No more "commitment" ceremonies. Now they can get married and possibly fuck it all up just like the rest of us hetero's!!

In times where global warming is a constant reminder that we need to take care of the planet and the never ending wars and violence are a constant reminder that we need to take care of each other, it thrills me that I live in a state that has let this happen.

California, with all your wacky liberals and crazy laws and earthquakes and traffic and ridiculous housing prices....I have never loved you more and I have never been prouder.

madness with a side of lazy please

It's been awhile, my dears. It must mean that things have been so exciting and my days have been so jammed packed with goings on that I just haven't had time to blog right? Riiiiight. I wish I could say that. I've been lazy and quite frankly, the laptop has been bothering me as of late. It's like a reminder that I have way too much time on my hands. I open it up, check my email and some gossip and job sites, then shut it down. Let's see, it's 1:00 in the afternoon and I am still in my PJ's. I've had way to much coffee and not enough to eat. I have no desire to do anything today. The only appointment I had this week, I totally forgot about. It was yesterday. Lame lame lame. Days are really bleeding together now. I need to get a calender. One that I can write shit down on. My memory for dates is sucking.
I'm still unemployed, which is cool. Well, not cool cool, but the kinda cool that comes with accepting that there are things that have to come in time and that I have to be patient for. I have come to terms with it. I could get a job tomorrow if that was what was necessary. I am simply waiting for the right gig to come along. How many people have that opportunity right? It's a luxury that I am lucky to have. I need to just not be so hard on myself. The jobs that I haven't gotten, well..I have to believe there is a reason for that. They weren't right for me and would have kept me from a job that I really want to do. I have embraced the extra time and will run with it.
I spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday drunk off my ass. That's always fun. What for, you ask? My oldest nephew, Jimmy, graduated High School. I can't believe that the little boy that used to beg me to take him to Burger King and would sing "whomp, there it is" on cue when he was 2 is 18 and graduated. He is such an awesome kid. Love him to death and I couldn't be prouder of the young man he has turned into. Anyways, my sister in laws family from West Virginia was in town and there was lots of partying to be done. We were over there every night, making sure that the beer that my bro brews was up to par ; ) Good time's, I tell ya.

Not much else to write about. I could sit here and squeeze out topic after topic, but I don't want to force it. It's bad enough it's been so long since I have sat down and wrote. Besides, I am out of smokes. I'm sitting outside on a beautiful summer day and I can't even smoke. That is just irritating : )

whoa- where was I when summer happened?

Yes, the news said there was going to be a heat wave, but there is something slightly wrong about it being 83 degrees at 8:30 AM. Seriously, I am outside having a smoke and a cup of coffee and it is already way too hot. Did I wake up in Arizona or something?

Update: It is currently 99 degrees. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, it's hotter n' hades out right now.

A damn near perfect day....UNTIL

I was having a great day. A day that I may even go so far to say that it was grand.
I started off the morning with a good night's sleep. Waking up to a cup of coffee at eye level and a kitty by my side. I dress and have a cigarette with Rick before he is off to work. Tangent, why the fuck can I NEVER spell cigarette right? I have been smoking those goddamn things for the past..well, lets just say lot's of years and I never get the spelling right. Sheesh. Anyways, back to my good day. After the smoke, I sit down with my pop and finish up watching Transformers, which we had started the night before. He had never seen it. A complete travesty in my humble opinion. So we are watching said movie and sipping on coffee, Hannah the ankle biter nested between us. Side note: I cherish every minute with my daddy. They happen ever so briefly and I love every minute of it. Back again to story (I will try to stay on point..heehee). Transformers is done, I shower and bid adieu to dad. Hannah and I hang out and we go to the market for stuff. She falls asleep in the car on the way home (super duper triple bonus to my good day. LOVE it when she falls asleep!) and I unload the car. 15 minutes into the unloading process, Dusty comes over. He hangs while I put the groceries away and Candace picks up Hannah. Dusty and I are then on our way to play some golf. YAY!! I have someone to play with!!!! We go play 18 holes on a great course and have an absolute blast. I played really well. We chatted, drank beers, smoked and smacked some golf balls around. The sun was shining and it was nice and warm. Perfection right? Even the noxious fumes from the dead thing have abated a bit. I feed the cats and sit down to check email and putt around on the net till I have to make dinner. Mind you, 4 beers on the course have given me a slight buzz. I am downright joyful at this point. What's that sound? Oh, I have 2 voicemails. Dang, didn't even hear it ring. Ok. Checking VM's. First message, my hairdresser telling me he can get me in earlier than my previously allotted time..YAY! Woo-hoo!! Things are fantastic!!!! 2nd message: the lady at the staffing agency about the Wine Club position.... "Hi Erin, it's so and so from Nelson, I'm calling regarding the Wine Club position at St. Francis. Well, they actually decided to go with another candidate. Please give me a call in the morning to talk." Enter in exploding noise, cuz that's exactly what my good mood did. It fucking crashed and burned. What? Did I hear that right? They decided on ANOTHER candidate? You mean they found someone who had more than 5 years wine club experience and 17 years customer service experience? What the fucking holy fucking fuck-fuck????? Are you fucking kidding me? Really, they found someone better suited huh? I am SO fucking pissed off right now. If I didn't have to make dinner, I would be pouring myself the biggest fucking vodka collins this world has ever seen. I was a goddamn shoe-in. A shoe-in!!!!! I knew that chick had a bug up her ass about me being a wine club manager. Like I was going to go after her fucking job. Please, honey..have enough confidence in yourself to not be intimidated by my fucking experience. Can't you see that I would be a fucking asset to your operation? I do not want to even be in the wine industry anymore. I was more than happy to settle in to that gig for the 6 months temp that they wanted.
Fuck it all. I am making that fucking Vodka Collins.

mindless ramblings

My house is currently being invaded my ugly black spiders with red butts. No, not black widows, but still ugly and much hairier. I have seen 4 outside in the last hour. I must blame the douchebags that planted all these fucking pine trees in our backyard 30 years ago. Though they do provide some nice needed privacy, they house about 5 million different species of bugs and I am not terribly thrilled about it.

Day 7 of "dead thing, please mummify already" is not going well. The dead smell had morphed into a pungent fishy odor, mixed with rotting whatever. Not cute in the least. I couldn't even stand in the bathroom and put on my make up. It is nasty with a capital N.

I interviewed with a winery last week, for a wine club job and have yet to hear anything. She said she had 1 more interview to do and would get back to me soon. I was a fucking shoe-in. I think she was worried that I would try and take her job. She wanted to make sure that I was comfortable with an associate position. I thought I made it plain that I did not want to be a manager and that I would more than pleased with being a regular ol' wine club worker. Whatev. I'm getting tired of this job searching thing. I tested for the Meter Reading position, but haven't heard back from that yet either. That one's gonna be slim anyways. They had 250 people testing for one position. And lets just put the final nail in the coffin for that construction gig from way back when. I haven't heard from that recruiter in weeks. *sigh*.

I turn 33 next week. Not terribly stoked about that.

The upside for today? Rick and I met with our wedding photographer and FINALLY put together our wedding album and ordered some enlargements. Only took us close to 3 years.
We get our shit in 6 weeks. Another cool thingis that since we waited so long, we now get our negatives back. I am going to pu together albums for the family and get some pics together for the wedding party. If they want them, that is. Rick thinks that since we took so long, that nobody is going to want our wedding pictures. I say fuck it, we will give them to 'em anyways : )

That's all I gots.

decomp: part tres

Day 3- dead thing is in full throes of decomposition. In fact, methinks that whatever has died has possibly multiplied. Smell is now creeping into the living room. How long does it take a rat, mouse, possum and/or raccoon to mummify? Why do I feel like the killer in Disturbia, who stuffed his victim's in the walls? or John Wayne Gacy, but I think he buried them in the crawl space under his house. Who knows, dead thing(s) might possibly be under the house and not in the walls. Seriously, it smells bad. If Rick and I weren't such weenies about it, we would have searched and destroyed already, but neither of us want to do it. Where is the mighty killer that is Taryn when we need her? She would TOTALLY do it. She killed a potato bug with a house key, Rick and I standing behind her, screaming like little girls. That takes mad skills yo.
On side-note: there is some serious birdie shenanigan's going on in my backyard. I just looked out the window and I was welcomed to the site of blue jay butt hanging upside down on one of my planters. Then I noticed another one standing in the other planter, right side up. The acrobatic birdie was pulling at the moss-like substrate that lines the planters. Little bastard shredded it up right proper, I tell ya. The fat little brown birds that stick to the ground were out too, but the blue jay's were running them off. My god, it's a birdie turf war.

Foul odor, part deaux

Rick has proposed 2 solutions to the foul and mysterious odor. #1- If I find it, he will remove it and
#2- wait it out, deal with the smell and eventually whatever is dead will mummify. So far, I am leaning towards option #2. The whole "me find it" thing just grosses me out. I am not looking in holes with a flashlight, waiting to stumble upon some dead thing. Just thinking about it gives me the serious wiggins. I opt for plan #2, which is still wicked gross. Hi, we are going to wait until something completely decomposes then it wont smell anymore la dee da. It sounds so serial-killeresque.

A foul and mysterious odor

Monday sweeps by without any fanfare. After a busy weekend, Monday is just kinda there. Me, in my PJ's, no shower and nothing to do. My niece comes, sleeps for 2.5 hours, then goes and I am left again, alone, with nothing to do. I am sitting on my couch, emailing back and forth with Rick, who is not feeling well. Low and behold, in he walks. In addition to scaring the shit out of me (it was 1:00 in the afternoon) he is not feeling well. Something has upset the inner workings of the Ricker. Without the gory details, he uses the bathroom and goes directly to bed. After I bring him some soup, nature has called and I use the bathroom. First thing I notice is the smell. "jeez babe, we have a fan and room spray for a reason." I shrug it off to whatever is going on in his bowels and commence my day of laying on the couch and watching movies. Time progresses and I walk back to the bedroom to check up on the sicky. The same smell from hours before hits me again. "Goddamn, what the fuck is that? It shouldn't still smell should it??" Rick says that he thinks something is dead. At first I laugh, thinking he is making a funny about bombing the commode, but then realize that he is serious. My mind drifts back to when Rick's dad had trapped rats in their garage. The traps were set high, so unfortunately you don't know you have killed something till the smell happens. The smell in the bathroom is very similar to that of the garage. I open the cabinet to the sink, no smell. Thank god I didn't kill something by throwing my hair dryer around in there. Uh oh, has something died in the wall? Maybe it will go away. Which leads us to this morning. The laundry room is on the other side of the bathroom and there is a hole in the wall where the cats hold vigil once in awhile. Probably rats or mice hanging out , causing a ruckus. As I was doing laundry this morning, the foul and mysterious odor was ever so present. Well that's just dandy. The laundry room AND the bathroom smells. So what does one do when one thinks something has expired in their wall? Must contact carpenter friends asap. Those handy boys will know what to do. Visions of ripped up walls and dead disease-bearing vermin dance in my head. Bleech. To make matters worse, I have to take a shower. My lazy ass couldn't motivate to take one yesterday and before my own stink starts assaulting my nostrils, this girl needs to bathe. Problem: I don't want to shower in the stinky room. Warmth and steam is gonna make it worse right? The whole house is going to be foul. Great, here I am, stuck in this house cuz there is not a goddamn thing I need to do and now I'm going to be marinating in the smell. I am lame. Unless I want to go outside and spray myself down with the garden hose, I just need to do it. I must be brave.

annoyed, frustrated and beyond bored

Yep, that's me. All of the fucking above.
I am so NOT in a good mood today. The sun is out and it's nice and warm which is not adding to my mood. It's pretty bad when you want the weather to match your mood. Beyond that, the one task I have been given is to mow the lawns. I have mowed the back lawn once and that was under the supervision of Rick. He gave me instruction on how to turn the fucker on, but I am not so confident.
At least it's something to do right? Right? Jeez, someone shoot me now and put me out of my misery. I feel like an old cow that the farmer has put out to pasture. Random analogy, I know. I am beyond frustrated that I can't find a job. I have applied to some asinine jobs. Which reminds me that I really enjoy the word asinine. Not only for it's meaning, but because it has "ass" in the title and that makes me giggle. Anyways, back to today's does of bitching. It's pretty bad when I can't even score a waitressing gig. I even got halfway through an online application for Costco, before I abandoned that idea. How stupid can I be to even consider going back there???? I was there for almost 11 years for christsakes!! Seriously, I almost finished it and clicked apply. The joblessness is starting to effect my brain. I think with every minute of TV I watch I am getting stupider. Dang, I didn't think stupider was an actual word. I fully expected the squiggly red line to appear under it and then the part of me that likes to use proper grammar would have re-typed "more stupid".
What the fuck. This is a total garbage post. I don't know who exactly reads my blog but seriously, take my advice. If you regularly read it, take a break from it. The post's as of late (and i expect the future ones) are and will continue to be crap. I have nothing witty or funny to say anymore. The witty and funny are gone. I am defeated and cranky.

Edit: side-note for all you smokers out there: does anyone else get a slightly giddy feeling when opening a brand new pack of cigarettes? Maybe it's just me.

*sigh*

For 6 hours I poured everything I had into that mid-term. I brought it over to my brother to look over. I compared answers with Leland. In the end, I was super proud of the work I put into it.
ALL FOR A FUCKING B. Not a b+, but a FUCKING B.

I know my kids a star...WTF?

Yep. I have hit an all time low. Not yet rock bottom, but loooooooooooooooooow. You know that part of the ocean where it is SO deep that all the things that live there are totally white cuz there is no sun? Yep, that low. That's me. So low in fact, that even as I write this, I am giggling at the lowness.
I have been getting up with Rick every day, so I won't fall into the trap of sleeping in. Why? Should I ever find a fucking job and I have to wake up early, it won't totally fuck me up. I know, I'm smart. Anyways, I have a routine. Open eye's at 7am. Rick brings me coffee and puts in it on the nightstand then he gets into the shower. At about 7:30, I am awake enough to grab coffee and watch the morning news. Rick and I have a smoke before he leaves (no smoking in the car) and then I am left to my own devices. I make myself breakfast, turn on the tube and the laptap and nestle into the couch to look for a job and watch some TV. Cool right? Usually I stick around the movie channels. I have never said I have the best taste in movies or TV programming as I tend to like some pretty lame shit. There are no good movies on, which sucks, so I surf. I settle upon VH1, where there is a half hour of "never seen footage" of the Rock of Love show. Sweet, I'm on it. By the way, before you think I am a couch potato, I usually just have the TV on in the background while I am on the computer. The ROL show is over and I am reading Perez Hilton, so I just leave VH1 on. The show that comes on next is something that even I, Erin, lover of all that is teeny bopper movies and all kinds of "reality" shows, appalls me. It is called "I know my kids a Star". Basically its all these mom's and their precocious little pre-teens living in a house trying to make their kid the next child star. To add insult to injury, Danny Bonaduce is the host. This show is terrible. These mom's are absolutely nuts. This one mom actually looks like she belongs on the Rock of Love show. Big ol' fake boobies and donkey Veneers. They had to take face shots of their kids and the kids had to audition for a sneaker commercial, complete with a choreographer. I just can't even explain how bad this show is. If your kid is the next child star, I think you just know, right? Why can't you let your kid be a kid? Rick's ma used to take him and his brother out for modeling and acting gigs. They had head shots and everything. They were both great and they did lots of commercials and adds, but there came a point where they didn't want to do it anymore and they stopped. She didn't push them, she didn't keep them in it longer than they wanted. That's a good stage mom. Why can't these mom's do that? If there kid has that "it" factor, then it will come out naturally. Instead they push and push and exploit the shit out of them to get what they want. It's just sad. What's even more sad? I wasted an hour watching this piece of shit programming. Hence, the new all time low : )
Nothing else new to report here. I applied for 2 jobs this week. One was at an animal sanctuary where disabled kitty's are rescued and live out their days. The other one was a waitress at a local card room. Crazy, I know, but the tip's might be nice and I love me some poker.
The days are getting warmer and the hills are nice and green again. We are looking at 80 degrees and higher for the next couple of days.
I have my class tonight. Let's keep our fingers crossed that we get our mid term grades!
Ta Ta for now.

Fuming and smoldering, all at the same time

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Fuckity FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
There, only slightly vulgar, but exactly what I am feeling right now. If you read yesterday's entry, then you will know that I had my poop class last night and was anticipating getting my grade on my evil, satanic, time sucking, idiotically written mid-term. Yeah, I guess that was to much to fucking ask. Leland and I head to class (sans Dave and Larry, they chose to take the night off). We get there, no teach. We go outside and smoke, still no teach. We go back into class and the few people that are there are milling about, chatting and whatnot. Now it is 10 after 7 and we are starting to think that teach is a no show. SWEET! Now Leland and I can go to a bar (which is what we wanted to do anyways, but went to class simply hoping that we would get our test's back). Then in walks this librarian looking guy, complete with a sweater vest (which was Pink, I might add) and a jaunty little driving cap sitting atop his noggin. WTF? This dude is SO not our teacher. He apologizes for being late, said he couldn't find the class and could we please stop chatting and commence with the class. A little back story, our professor (not really a professer at all, but I am tired of using the word teacher) has guest teachers come in for certain topics. Now, on to our tale. Out comes my syllabus, which is completely fucked up cuz dipshit got the dates for spring break wrong. I gather that this is going to be the dude to talk about Disenfection, which was what was scheduled for last week (we didn't have class cuz it was spring break, back to the syllabus screw up). So I ask.."you don't by any chance have our test's do ya?", Whereupon he says no and commenced with the lecture. And lecture he did folks. From 7:10 to 8:30, when he graciously let us out for a merciful 10 minute break, then from 8:40 straight thru to 10:00pm.
Now, as mixed up as our teach is, we always get a twenty minute break and he never goes till 10. Pink sweater vest was a fucking machine. Nice enough guy, but DAYUM, homeboy love him a little Disenfection talk. Anyways, I am super pissed that we didn't get our tests back. I really really really want to know how I did. Shit, it sucked away 6 hours of my life and all I want is my grade. *sigh* what a pisser.
On the upside (I am trying to always add an upside now, my lame attempt to be a bit more positive), Rick let me have THE car today. I went and get her all washed and cleaned up. She looks so pretty now.
I'm off to work on a birthday present for a party I am attending tomorrow. I gotta reign all my creative juices in and knuckle down. Time for a good movie on in the background and a nice cold Miller Highlife.

Pretty days and nobody to play with

One of the many sucky things about being unemployed is the fact that none of my friends can come out and play with me. Here I am, sitting in my backyard on a beautiful spring day, smoking and drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper. Blogging, of course, for sheer lack of nothing better to do. My errands are done, I have studied for class tonight and the Washer and Dryer are plugging away. There is a pile of ironing to do, but I am putting that off due to the overwhelming injury occurrences. Why I can't get through ironing without burning myself, I will never know.
Searched all job sites? Check. Perez Hilton, DListed and TMZ surfed? Check. Stupid movie of the day watched? Check check. Today's cinematic masterpiece was To Die For, with Nicole Kidman playing a crazy ass weather girl and the delightfully talented (and hot, even with a mullet) Joaquin Phoenix playing her 16 year old lover who axes her husband. Stupid Stupid Stupid. Not a good movie at all. I guess it is slightly better my movie adventures on Monday, and by slightly, I only mean it was better cuz it was a movie I hadn't seen before. The play list on Monday was The Hills Have Eyes (the 2006 version, blech. Bloody as hell, there is a dog murder and the actors sucked), Disturbia (for the 1000th time..can't get enough of that cute little bastard Shia) and The Blair Witch Project (I enjoy this movie and like to have it on in the background if I am doing something else). *sigh* I am lame. Even worse, and I can't believe I am going to share this with you, is that when I give in to the pile of shirts that is in need of pressing, I will put in my favorite ironing movie, Transformers. Again with the Shia addiction. The things that surface when you have nothing but time eh?
I do not believe I mentioned that I do have a bit of a job on Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's did I? From 8:15 to 12:15, I watch the little ankle biter that is my niece Hannah. She is 17 months old and pretty cute. Very mellow but wickedly mobile so I have to watch her every move. Soda is slightly intrigued by her and will hang out, but Whiskey is like "peace out yo. Da shorty is here and I am getting da fuck out of dodge. I be chillin' under da bed in the spare room till she exits homey." I must say though, I am enjoying her company. She answers back when I talk, which is a serious step up from the cats and I can take here anywhere. I can take her out to breakfast, shopping, errand running. She even likes the grocery store, if I give her something that she can hold while we roll (grapefruits work really well) and even better if I give her something to snack on. That's another thing, she has these chubby little toddler hands right, so they can't hold much but they can definitely pinch the shit out of you. I have these little Gerber dried apple bites that she likes, so I bring a baggie full of 'em. I pull out a couple and she grabs them (enter the pinching here) and she takes a handfull but can't hold them all, so we leave a trail of apple cubes wherever we go. I had to revisit an aisle for something that I forgot and I must have stepped on 10 of them. It made me giggle, which in turn made her giggle and I gotta tell ya...toddler laughter is a beautiful sound.
So that's that folks. Movie chatter and gushing auntie talk. That's it. I got's nothing else.
I will hopefully have more to write about tomorrow as tonight is poop class and I hope to get my grade on my evil time sucking mid-term. Which means, dear readers, that tomorrows post could be full of puppies and candy-canes or wrought with every vulgar word, and some I might make up, that I can think of.