Wednesday, January 30, 2008

smokin' and typin', typin' and smokin'

Whoever invented the lap top should be given a flippin medal. I'm sure he has won awards and whatnot, but seriously..if I had a medal, he would get it. I am assuming it's a he anyways. I'm sure he was a pimply, pasty slip of a man who never saw the daylight. I digress..I am awarding him the Erin Medal of Fabu Achievements. He ranks right up there with the drunk frat boy who invented Jaeger bombs. Why I have not thought of blogging while outside smoking sooner, I just do not know. Today is actually the first day in awhile that this area has seen some dry weather and some sunshine, so that's probably why the sitting outside with the laptop has just occurred to me.
Today was a good day. I went up to Corte Madera to spend the rest of my Nordstrom's gift card.
I am one girl that never looks forward to shopping. Especially now, cuz I am not really at a weight that makes me want to run out and try on clothes. I walked into Nordy's and for once, decided to peruse the couture section. You know the one, where all the Seven, Juicy, Rock and Rebublic fancypants stuff is? I just thought I would take a gander before I went upstairs to where the more reasonably priced clothing is. My first rack that I hit....BAM! A cute top, that was reasonably my size! Second rack, another one! Third rack...yep, you guessed it..another one!!! What the fuck? Did I stumble into some weird parallel "everything Erin" universe? Is this an episode of the Twilight Zone? Oh, I know what it is....i'm still asleep and having a really good dream right? No to all of the above! I was awake, not drunk and in the real world! A wave of contentment washed over me. A nice sales girl walked up and asked if she could start a dressing room for me. "why yes, yes you can" was my reply. Mind you, I am IN the couture section!!! I am thrilled. There is some weird euphoric high that comes when you find some good deals on wicked cute clothes. I don't get it often, being a fat-ass tomboy and all, but euphoric I was, am I actually looking at hip clothes that are not going to put me in the poor house? Yes I am !! So I try on 5 or so shirts, all were cute. 3 worked really well. One of them was pink. I fretted for a minute over the pink one. It's cute, but I am SO not into pink. I left the fitting room clutching my 3 shirts and meandered over to the rack where the pink shirt and her shirt-friends in pretty colors lived. Do I really want pink? Let's just see if there is another enjoyable color in my size (sidebar, I never have good luck in the shopping realm of things, so I figured that I was going to have to buy the pink one, as it would be the only one in my size) A pretty blue caught my eye...please please please, if there is a shopping god out there, please let there be one in my size I chanted to myself.... I flipped through the hangers longingly, hoping against hope as each extra small passed through my hands...last little hanger. I peek at the tag...YES!!! it was my size!!! *insert happy dance here, cuz I swear to all that is holy, I did a little happy dance !!* YAY! I walked out of Nordstrom's with 3 shirts, used all of my gift certificate and it only cost me an extra $40. Woo-hoo! I went and met Rick for lunch, which was lovely being able to see my husband in the light of day during the week, and shopped some more. I really had nothing else to buy, but I was still somewhat on that high and wanted to see if I could score more. Nothing really caught my eye, so off to the grocery store I went to get stuff for dinner. The story ends here, on my back porch, smoking and blogging.
There is a slight hazard with the whole smoking and typing. My fellow smokers will identify with this, I hope. Being that you need 2 hands to type all proper and whatnot, I have to leave the ciggy clenched between my lips. Classy right? Anyways, upon taking said ciggy from my lips to ash...I realize that my lips have gotten a bit dry and are kinda stuck to the cig. OUCH. I think I might have lost some skin there. Dang, it hurts like a mutha. Let's call it Erin's extra-special lip exfoliation while smoking technique. I should try to patent that. Market it to all the ultra sheik spa's in the area. The Hollywood starlets would love it, as all their size 0 asses smoke like fiends to stay thin.
Well, my cigg is done and I am freezing my patootie off out here, so I will bid you all adieu.
So, Adieu.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

word up

I have absolutely no cute title for today's blog. In fact, I don't even know why you are reading this. Today's blog is going to be lame. I can feel it. I feel no witty quips, no humorous anecdotes. In fact, as I sit here on the couch, whiskey on my feet, I am feeling truly and utterly uninspired. It's ok though, I am here, you are reading...we will work through it together.
I did figure something out...the perfect cooking time for 2 medium sized artichokes in the nuker is 18 minutes.
So, remember my rant about that software company that blew me off? Here is a funny-ish story:
I made an appointment with the temporary staffing agency Office Team. I went in yesterday to interview and test. The chick that interviewed me seemed like she knew her shit. She already called my contacts and is marketing me out to clients today. good right? So I get home, happy that I might have some temp work to keep me busy. I resigned myself to the fact that temp work is what I wanted for now, and was happy with that decision. Why, right when you get comfortable with a scenario does life throw you a curve ball?? What is this curve ball you ask? Well, that software company called me, not five minutes after I got home from Office Team. They want me to come in for a second interview! How random is that?!
Dude, I am so NOT enjoying blogging today. It could have something to do with the fact that I have to charge the lap top and I am currently laying on the floor cuz the cord doesn't go far. It could also be that I got a sub par amount of sleep. It may also very possibly be that I am just a mental crankypants today. Take your pick. I think I may be all of the above : )

Thursday, January 24, 2008


I am perplexed. I mean, not just perplexed, I am utterly confused. I am just sitting here on the couch, lap-top is well..its in my lap, coffee in easy reach, happily flipping channels. I was in the movie section, starting at HBO and moving upwards towards the action channel, when I saw it. I blinked and rubbed my eyes. I shook my head, trying to clear the "just woke up " cobwebs. I actually went so far as to turn off the TV. I went back to the movie channel section and started my upward climb to where I first saw it. THERE IT WAS!!!! It was not a figment of my imagination!
What movie was playing that caused this freak out, you ask? MIRACLE ON fucking 34TH STREET!!!!!! Its a goddamn Christmas movie!! Now, I know that in my jobless stupor, the days are hard to keep track of, but I KNOW that it is fucking January. Why would anyone in their right mind want to watch a Christmas movie in January? Wasn't every Xmas movie ever made getting shoved down our throats last month enough? Times must be pretty bad if a station has no other options but to play a Xmas movie. Not to mention, a BAD xmas movie. It's not even the classic Miracle on 34th street, starring a very young Natalie Wood, Its the crappy 1994 remake.
Dude..this is what I am getting mad at now. Well hell, I can't complain about my job, long hours or my co-workers anymore. I have been reduced to bitching about what I am watching and artichokes. sigh...
I do have another bone to pick. I had a job interview way back on the 9th for a job that I thought I was a shoe-in for. I hadn't heard from them, so I sent a "how ya doin', looking forward to hearing from you" email. I got a very vague and brief response back. Something along the lines of "hey Erin, I have cc'd the HR chick on this and she will get back to you regarding the next steps". I forwarded the response to the all knowing recruiter that is the Ricker and he said that the guy was either totally blowing me off, or HR dropped the ball and forgot to contact me. Either way, I am slightly pissed that I didn't get a response back. Hello??? Could I have been any more perfect for the job??? They wanted someone who was a Wine Club or tasting room manager, which I was. The position was for a help desk/tech support person, WHICH I WAS at Homecomings. The clincher? I knew the software already!! I used it when I worked for Korbel!
Oh, and another fun fact? I knew the guy that interviewed me. We worked together a bunch when they installed the new software at Korbel. It was, what I thought anyways, a great interview!! He even gave me a tour of the building and introduced me to most of the staff.
WTF. I know I wasn't very excited about the prospect of taking another Help Desk job, but I really though I had this one in the bag. I know I shouldn't have put all my eggs in one basket, but I ...fuck...I got nothing. I'm just not good at looking for jobs. I did contact Office Team, which is a temp agency. It's my third one. I feel like a temp agency slut. Nelson Staffing sucked ass , they sent me on 2 interviews then never called. Apple One, I interviewed and it seemed like they would use me, but they never called. I must admit that I haven't done Apple Ones testing yet. In my defense, the testing wouldn't work on my lap top. Office Team will hopefully be a good match. Rick gave me some pointers, so hopefully I can score some temp work with them. Maybe it's a good thing that the above job didn't work out. I can temp while I am taking my poopy water class. Anything has gotta be better than what I am currently doing, which is nothing. Well, I wouldn't say nothing. I have become the cats favorite sleeping spot. I have cleaned and organized. I have shopped a bunch and I have watched incredible amounts of TV.
I have kept my peeps abreast of my fun and super duper exciting life via blog. Dang, I am even boring myself now, so I am going to leave you with these words gentle readers...these words...

HA HA : )

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


Why are those prickly little bastards so hard to cook? So, I got a wild hair up my ass yesterday that I wanted an artichoke. This happened while at Safeway, so I threw in some of 'em with my beer and other shit. Side-bar, why am I drinking so much beer since I have been unemployed? Why can't I have the same desire to drink water? Second question, why in the hell have I not been drinking Miller High Life? It truly is the champagne of beers. It is utterly delightful. Anyways, I put the offending vegetable in a microwave safe dish, drizzled some olive oil over it, sprinkled some Santa-Maria style seasoning and covered with saran wrap. 14 minutes later, I took the dish out of the nuker and got my plate ready. Complete with bowl for discards and a nice helping of mayo.
As I took off the saran wrap, I first noticed a slightly scorched smell. shit. Then, I noticed the brown, crisp appearance. Double shit. Upon further inspection, I noticed that the poor little thorny fucker was completely fricasseed! Dang. I was hungry, so I ate it anyways. No bueno, it was way too chewy. While sitting at the DMV, waiting for my number to be called, I figured out why it got so burnt. I forgot to put water in the dish!! Duh! Today, I thought I would try again. I followed the steps listed above, this time with water in the dish. I decided to step down the cooking time, just in case. I cooked it for 9 minutes. It looked done, so I put it on my plate and sat down to enjoy. FUCK! It wasn't goddamn done!! I had to put it in for another 4 minutes. After that, it prolly could have still been in there another minute or so, but I ate it anyways. What is it with me and fucking artichokes? Last night I made a fabulous Fettuccine Alfredo FROM SCRATCH and it was perfect. Nuke a finger poking veggie? Apparently that is above my head, cooking-wise. Sheesh. Let's not even look at the fact that I am blogging about artichokes.
Who knew that artichokes were such a scathing topic eh? I blame it on an unemployed stupor brought on by too much time and Miller High Life. Sigh.

Saturday, January 19, 2008


What, you say? A new entry only a day later? What's going on? Has Buffy the Vampire Slayer stopped airing on television? Did the stores all close for the day? I know, crazy right? Posting so close to my last entry...must be a result of my head injury (see below diatribe).
Here's the deal. Saturdays have somewhat lost their luster during my time as an unemployed fat ass. Saturdays just used to be so cool. Wake up late and camping out on the couch, watching TV and drinking coffee. Nice right? Yeah, now...just another fucking day. It blows. The only good thing is that I get to spend time with Rick. He is working so much lately, I only get him for 3 hours a night during the week : ( Of course, hanging out with yer workin' friends (ie..the people who still appreciate a weekend) is also one of the only redeeming factors. That's I really have. I was just getting a bit cranky from my lack of not doing anything of any worth today. Well, scratch that..there was some worth. There was breakfast with Rick at The Redwood Cafe, which was delightful and there was hanging/smoking with Mel while Leland and Rick did some manual labor. So the day wasn't a total loss : )

Friday, January 18, 2008

A head bonk and poop plants

Are you, gentle readers, intrigued by my title? I will explain...

Last night I took a class at our local junior college. I can't remember the last time I was a student. I am fairly certain that flannel shirts are Pearl Jam were popular. Anyways, there I was, at the JC with Dave, Leland and Larry, taking a Wastewater Plant Operator class. What is that you ask?
Basically, it's a class that will enable me to become a poopy plant operator. I know, it's the epitome of glamour. My brother has been in wastewater for awhile now, actually got a degree in it and works in a plant in Marin. The way I figure it, I have nothing but time right now, why not see if this will pan out into a career? We all know that I am done with office jobs. I am done with customer service jobs. I can't help people anymore. I can't deal with the public and I can't sit in a cube. Unfortunately, those are my only skills,. I have never felt so worthless as I do now. I feel like I have wasted SO much time in my life, work-wise. Why couldn't I have just lit a fire under my ass years ago, knuckled down and really challenged myself to find a career I would be good at? Something I could really be proud of? I envy those who know exactly what they want. I guess I always knew my complacency would come back and bit me in the butt. ma was right. Ssshhhh. Don't tell her I said that. Whoops, tangent..back to the topic at hand. The class was great. Really really interesting. The instructor was a soft talker, so I have to move to the front next week, but I think it's going to be great. There is one hurdle though, and it's a biggie. There is math. Lots and lots of conversion type math. I am not math minded at all. Blame it on my genes. English was always my strong suit. I have talked myself out of a number of careers due to math. I am completely math retarded. It intimidates the hell out me. This time around, I am not going to let it get me. I am going to tackle it head on. My big bro said he will help me, so that will be awesome. Plus I got the boys that I am taking it with. Dave, already being an Operator, is a huge plus.. so I think we will succeed. I think what I like best about the opportunity is that it is hard work, in the actual working with your hands and such. Not to say that desk work isn't hard, cuz it is, but this is different. Not staring at a computer all day, tied to a chair. I also like the idea that it is a male-dominated. I think that I work better with boys. Ok, that sounds weird. I guess I just get along with guys easier than I get along with girls.
Where does the head-bonk come in, you ask? This is a slightly funny, but painful story.
Class was over early at 9:30 PM, so by the time we got back to Leland and Mel's and had a few smokes, it was 10:30 when I got home. I finished the book I was reading and started getting ready for bed. Oh, side-bar- this is important for the story. I bought a new bedroom set. It is comprised of beautiful, dark and heavy wood. It's an asian-style bed. So it is low to the ground and platform style, with a ledge type deal that goes around the bed (remeber the ledge, it is an important detail). Got the picture in your head? Good, back to the story. I was washing my face, when I heard some serious kitty shenangan's going on. Rick was asleep in bed, so I had to keep everything kinda dark. Whiskey was on the floor, my side of the bed, just sitting there. Keep in mind that there is only like 3 inches under the bed. No room for any storage or anything. Upon further inspection, I notice a little black tail sticking out. What the fuck? How the hell did Soda get under there? So, here I go, I get down on my knees and duck down to look under the bed. Low and behold, I forgot about that fucking hard wood ledge. Of course, I was brutally reminded of it when my forehead decided to go in for a closer look and say hello. Seriously, I think I might have knocked myself out a bit. I say head bonk, but it was more of a head smack. I am left with a nice egg on the right side of my forehead. So pretty :) I broke a blood vessel in my left eye the other day, so I am nice and grotesquely balanced out now. To be Erin is truly a blessed thing folks.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

ugh, blah and yuck

Here we, whatever. Why is it so difficult to keep track of what day it is when you are without job? I mean seriously, I have to really think about what day it is. They all bleed together. A goulash of sleep, net-surfing, playing with the cats, cleaning and organizing, cooking and laziness.
Possibly, I should use this extra spare time more wisely and to try and lose some fucking weight, but what do I do? Sit here, watch TV and polish off a pint of Haagen-Dazs Pineapple Coconut ice cream. Not that I truly minded, becuase that stuff is the bomb, but c'mon Erin....fucking motivate!!
It's been a bit since my last blog. Let's see...where to start.....Oh, New Years Eve. As previously planned, I got wicked stupid drunk. I remember having a blast, laughing a lot and shooting Krisztina in the butt with a champagne cork. I will say this, whoever came up with the brilliant concoction that is the Jaeger bomb should be both canonized and shot in the noggin. For the love, I was up till 4:30 AM and I woke up at 7:30AM. It was ridiculous : ) It was good times though. I love love love my friends!
Since then, I haven't really started 2008 with a bang. Not much going on here.
I did have a job interview today, and it went really well. I am not happy about it. It is another tech support/customer service gig. Just thinking about taking another customer service job is sending me into mental turmoil. I can't handle it anymore. It is a sad sad day when the realization dawns on you that Customer Service is the ONLY skill you have. How and when did that happen? I hate people! I hate customers! Why am I SO fucking good at it? We shall see if I get offered the job. There is a teeny tiny glimmer of possible change on the horizon though. My buddy is taking a class at the local JC and he said I should take it with him. It sounds random, but it's for a water treatment plant operator job. It's the same field my brother is in. Government job = excellent pay, stellar benefits and an awesome retirement. I think I might do it, but even as I type, I am talking myself out of it. Why? Who knows. Who knows why I do what I do? I sure don't, otherwise I would try like hell to change it. I guess I am just a bit mopey today. Inside the head of Erin is a weird place place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.