Why are those prickly little bastards so hard to cook? So, I got a wild hair up my ass yesterday that I wanted an artichoke. This happened while at Safeway, so I threw in some of 'em with my beer and other shit. Side-bar, why am I drinking so much beer since I have been unemployed? Why can't I have the same desire to drink water? Second question, why in the hell have I not been drinking Miller High Life? It truly is the champagne of beers. It is utterly delightful. Anyways, I put the offending vegetable in a microwave safe dish, drizzled some olive oil over it, sprinkled some Santa-Maria style seasoning and covered with saran wrap. 14 minutes later, I took the dish out of the nuker and got my plate ready. Complete with bowl for discards and a nice helping of mayo.
As I took off the saran wrap, I first noticed a slightly scorched smell. shit. Then, I noticed the brown, crisp appearance. Double shit. Upon further inspection, I noticed that the poor little thorny fucker was completely fricasseed! Dang. I was hungry, so I ate it anyways. No bueno, it was way too chewy. While sitting at the DMV, waiting for my number to be called, I figured out why it got so burnt. I forgot to put water in the dish!! Duh! Today, I thought I would try again. I followed the steps listed above, this time with water in the dish. I decided to step down the cooking time, just in case. I cooked it for 9 minutes. It looked done, so I put it on my plate and sat down to enjoy. FUCK! It wasn't goddamn done!! I had to put it in for another 4 minutes. After that, it prolly could have still been in there another minute or so, but I ate it anyways. What is it with me and fucking artichokes? Last night I made a fabulous Fettuccine Alfredo FROM SCRATCH and it was perfect. Nuke a finger poking veggie? Apparently that is above my head, cooking-wise. Sheesh. Let's not even look at the fact that I am blogging about artichokes.
Who knew that artichokes were such a scathing topic eh? I blame it on an unemployed stupor brought on by too much time and Miller High Life. Sigh.
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Yeah, i'm the lame-ass who named my blog after my cats. They are so fucking cute though! Whiskey is the grey one, Soda is the black one
I disagree entirely with what you say, but I will fight to the death your right to say it......Voltaire
Whiskey and Soda
Yeah, i'm the lame-ass who named my blog after my cats. They are so fucking cute though! Whiskey is the grey one, Soda is the black one
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- erin
- Married for 2 years to the only known man on earth who can tolerate me. He is wonderful. I have 2 awesome cats, lots of fabulous friends and will be jobless starting December 27th.
9 comments:
This is what it has come to, blogging about veggies. I totally understand I was stoked on my huge mac and cheese I made and had to post a pic of it cause I thought it was so awesome :)
Thanks to Miss Taryn and her informing me of your new found past time....I am God Damn addicted to your blog. You're up there next to TMZ. Holy Shit! Yep! I'm addicted. You crack me up.....because I can TOTALLY see your facial expressions. Keep up the writing. You're fucking hilarious!!! Not that I didn't already know this already.
Scotty!!!! I never thought you would stumble over here!! I am SO happy!
I'm up there with TMZ???? I can't believe I have fans : )
Love you buddy!
Mayo with artichokes? Ewwwww. Did you just scoop the mayo out of the jar with the artichoke leaves? Sorry, mayo is just revolting to me. I couldn't help myself.
Oh, and I think you are forgetting Joel's Rule of Life: STAY HYDRATED!
I didn't know you could do that with artichokes. In fact, I don't think I've even seen one up close!
So despite the fact that you can't cook 'em, at least you know what the hell they look like...
I was kinda waiting for the part were you're at the DMV and you let a great artichoke fart unexpectedly into the room...
Joel..what the hell do you eat your artichokes with? It's all about the mayo dude!
Ummm... on artichokes I use melted butter with garlic, like normal human beings. I just can't stand Mayo. Just the thought of mayo triggers a very powerful gag reflex. In fact, I had to take a break from writing just now while the dry heaves subsided. I'll eat the stuff if it is mixed in with other things, A LOT of other things; but on its own, like as a condiment for veggies or gleefully scooping out the bottom of the jar with your finger, is quite possibly the most disgusting thing ever. Anyway, you get the idea.
Artichokes and butter... That's the way to do it...
ugh! Mayo all the way! Melted butter should be reserved for shellfish : )
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