Wednesday, April 30, 2008

A damn near perfect day....UNTIL

I was having a great day. A day that I may even go so far to say that it was grand.
I started off the morning with a good night's sleep. Waking up to a cup of coffee at eye level and a kitty by my side. I dress and have a cigarette with Rick before he is off to work. Tangent, why the fuck can I NEVER spell cigarette right? I have been smoking those goddamn things for the past..well, lets just say lot's of years and I never get the spelling right. Sheesh. Anyways, back to my good day. After the smoke, I sit down with my pop and finish up watching Transformers, which we had started the night before. He had never seen it. A complete travesty in my humble opinion. So we are watching said movie and sipping on coffee, Hannah the ankle biter nested between us. Side note: I cherish every minute with my daddy. They happen ever so briefly and I love every minute of it. Back again to story (I will try to stay on point..heehee). Transformers is done, I shower and bid adieu to dad. Hannah and I hang out and we go to the market for stuff. She falls asleep in the car on the way home (super duper triple bonus to my good day. LOVE it when she falls asleep!) and I unload the car. 15 minutes into the unloading process, Dusty comes over. He hangs while I put the groceries away and Candace picks up Hannah. Dusty and I are then on our way to play some golf. YAY!! I have someone to play with!!!! We go play 18 holes on a great course and have an absolute blast. I played really well. We chatted, drank beers, smoked and smacked some golf balls around. The sun was shining and it was nice and warm. Perfection right? Even the noxious fumes from the dead thing have abated a bit. I feed the cats and sit down to check email and putt around on the net till I have to make dinner. Mind you, 4 beers on the course have given me a slight buzz. I am downright joyful at this point. What's that sound? Oh, I have 2 voicemails. Dang, didn't even hear it ring. Ok. Checking VM's. First message, my hairdresser telling me he can get me in earlier than my previously allotted time..YAY! Woo-hoo!! Things are fantastic!!!! 2nd message: the lady at the staffing agency about the Wine Club position.... "Hi Erin, it's so and so from Nelson, I'm calling regarding the Wine Club position at St. Francis. Well, they actually decided to go with another candidate. Please give me a call in the morning to talk." Enter in exploding noise, cuz that's exactly what my good mood did. It fucking crashed and burned. What? Did I hear that right? They decided on ANOTHER candidate? You mean they found someone who had more than 5 years wine club experience and 17 years customer service experience? What the fucking holy fucking fuck-fuck????? Are you fucking kidding me? Really, they found someone better suited huh? I am SO fucking pissed off right now. If I didn't have to make dinner, I would be pouring myself the biggest fucking vodka collins this world has ever seen. I was a goddamn shoe-in. A shoe-in!!!!! I knew that chick had a bug up her ass about me being a wine club manager. Like I was going to go after her fucking job. Please, honey..have enough confidence in yourself to not be intimidated by my fucking experience. Can't you see that I would be a fucking asset to your operation? I do not want to even be in the wine industry anymore. I was more than happy to settle in to that gig for the 6 months temp that they wanted.
Fuck it all. I am making that fucking Vodka Collins.

Monday, April 28, 2008

mindless ramblings

My house is currently being invaded my ugly black spiders with red butts. No, not black widows, but still ugly and much hairier. I have seen 4 outside in the last hour. I must blame the douchebags that planted all these fucking pine trees in our backyard 30 years ago. Though they do provide some nice needed privacy, they house about 5 million different species of bugs and I am not terribly thrilled about it.

Day 7 of "dead thing, please mummify already" is not going well. The dead smell had morphed into a pungent fishy odor, mixed with rotting whatever. Not cute in the least. I couldn't even stand in the bathroom and put on my make up. It is nasty with a capital N.

I interviewed with a winery last week, for a wine club job and have yet to hear anything. She said she had 1 more interview to do and would get back to me soon. I was a fucking shoe-in. I think she was worried that I would try and take her job. She wanted to make sure that I was comfortable with an associate position. I thought I made it plain that I did not want to be a manager and that I would more than pleased with being a regular ol' wine club worker. Whatev. I'm getting tired of this job searching thing. I tested for the Meter Reading position, but haven't heard back from that yet either. That one's gonna be slim anyways. They had 250 people testing for one position. And lets just put the final nail in the coffin for that construction gig from way back when. I haven't heard from that recruiter in weeks. *sigh*.

I turn 33 next week. Not terribly stoked about that.

The upside for today? Rick and I met with our wedding photographer and FINALLY put together our wedding album and ordered some enlargements. Only took us close to 3 years.
We get our shit in 6 weeks. Another cool thingis that since we waited so long, we now get our negatives back. I am going to pu together albums for the family and get some pics together for the wedding party. If they want them, that is. Rick thinks that since we took so long, that nobody is going to want our wedding pictures. I say fuck it, we will give them to 'em anyways : )

That's all I gots.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

decomp: part tres

Day 3- dead thing is in full throes of decomposition. In fact, methinks that whatever has died has possibly multiplied. Smell is now creeping into the living room. How long does it take a rat, mouse, possum and/or raccoon to mummify? Why do I feel like the killer in Disturbia, who stuffed his victim's in the walls? or John Wayne Gacy, but I think he buried them in the crawl space under his house. Who knows, dead thing(s) might possibly be under the house and not in the walls. Seriously, it smells bad. If Rick and I weren't such weenies about it, we would have searched and destroyed already, but neither of us want to do it. Where is the mighty killer that is Taryn when we need her? She would TOTALLY do it. She killed a potato bug with a house key, Rick and I standing behind her, screaming like little girls. That takes mad skills yo.
On side-note: there is some serious birdie shenanigan's going on in my backyard. I just looked out the window and I was welcomed to the site of blue jay butt hanging upside down on one of my planters. Then I noticed another one standing in the other planter, right side up. The acrobatic birdie was pulling at the moss-like substrate that lines the planters. Little bastard shredded it up right proper, I tell ya. The fat little brown birds that stick to the ground were out too, but the blue jay's were running them off. My god, it's a birdie turf war.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Foul odor, part deaux

Rick has proposed 2 solutions to the foul and mysterious odor. #1- If I find it, he will remove it and
#2- wait it out, deal with the smell and eventually whatever is dead will mummify. So far, I am leaning towards option #2. The whole "me find it" thing just grosses me out. I am not looking in holes with a flashlight, waiting to stumble upon some dead thing. Just thinking about it gives me the serious wiggins. I opt for plan #2, which is still wicked gross. Hi, we are going to wait until something completely decomposes then it wont smell anymore la dee da. It sounds so serial-killeresque.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

A foul and mysterious odor

Monday sweeps by without any fanfare. After a busy weekend, Monday is just kinda there. Me, in my PJ's, no shower and nothing to do. My niece comes, sleeps for 2.5 hours, then goes and I am left again, alone, with nothing to do. I am sitting on my couch, emailing back and forth with Rick, who is not feeling well. Low and behold, in he walks. In addition to scaring the shit out of me (it was 1:00 in the afternoon) he is not feeling well. Something has upset the inner workings of the Ricker. Without the gory details, he uses the bathroom and goes directly to bed. After I bring him some soup, nature has called and I use the bathroom. First thing I notice is the smell. "jeez babe, we have a fan and room spray for a reason." I shrug it off to whatever is going on in his bowels and commence my day of laying on the couch and watching movies. Time progresses and I walk back to the bedroom to check up on the sicky. The same smell from hours before hits me again. "Goddamn, what the fuck is that? It shouldn't still smell should it??" Rick says that he thinks something is dead. At first I laugh, thinking he is making a funny about bombing the commode, but then realize that he is serious. My mind drifts back to when Rick's dad had trapped rats in their garage. The traps were set high, so unfortunately you don't know you have killed something till the smell happens. The smell in the bathroom is very similar to that of the garage. I open the cabinet to the sink, no smell. Thank god I didn't kill something by throwing my hair dryer around in there. Uh oh, has something died in the wall? Maybe it will go away. Which leads us to this morning. The laundry room is on the other side of the bathroom and there is a hole in the wall where the cats hold vigil once in awhile. Probably rats or mice hanging out , causing a ruckus. As I was doing laundry this morning, the foul and mysterious odor was ever so present. Well that's just dandy. The laundry room AND the bathroom smells. So what does one do when one thinks something has expired in their wall? Must contact carpenter friends asap. Those handy boys will know what to do. Visions of ripped up walls and dead disease-bearing vermin dance in my head. Bleech. To make matters worse, I have to take a shower. My lazy ass couldn't motivate to take one yesterday and before my own stink starts assaulting my nostrils, this girl needs to bathe. Problem: I don't want to shower in the stinky room. Warmth and steam is gonna make it worse right? The whole house is going to be foul. Great, here I am, stuck in this house cuz there is not a goddamn thing I need to do and now I'm going to be marinating in the smell. I am lame. Unless I want to go outside and spray myself down with the garden hose, I just need to do it. I must be brave.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

annoyed, frustrated and beyond bored

Yep, that's me. All of the fucking above.
I am so NOT in a good mood today. The sun is out and it's nice and warm which is not adding to my mood. It's pretty bad when you want the weather to match your mood. Beyond that, the one task I have been given is to mow the lawns. I have mowed the back lawn once and that was under the supervision of Rick. He gave me instruction on how to turn the fucker on, but I am not so confident.
At least it's something to do right? Right? Jeez, someone shoot me now and put me out of my misery. I feel like an old cow that the farmer has put out to pasture. Random analogy, I know. I am beyond frustrated that I can't find a job. I have applied to some asinine jobs. Which reminds me that I really enjoy the word asinine. Not only for it's meaning, but because it has "ass" in the title and that makes me giggle. Anyways, back to today's does of bitching. It's pretty bad when I can't even score a waitressing gig. I even got halfway through an online application for Costco, before I abandoned that idea. How stupid can I be to even consider going back there???? I was there for almost 11 years for christsakes!! Seriously, I almost finished it and clicked apply. The joblessness is starting to effect my brain. I think with every minute of TV I watch I am getting stupider. Dang, I didn't think stupider was an actual word. I fully expected the squiggly red line to appear under it and then the part of me that likes to use proper grammar would have re-typed "more stupid".
What the fuck. This is a total garbage post. I don't know who exactly reads my blog but seriously, take my advice. If you regularly read it, take a break from it. The post's as of late (and i expect the future ones) are and will continue to be crap. I have nothing witty or funny to say anymore. The witty and funny are gone. I am defeated and cranky.

Edit: side-note for all you smokers out there: does anyone else get a slightly giddy feeling when opening a brand new pack of cigarettes? Maybe it's just me.

Friday, April 11, 2008


For 6 hours I poured everything I had into that mid-term. I brought it over to my brother to look over. I compared answers with Leland. In the end, I was super proud of the work I put into it.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

I know my kids a star...WTF?

Yep. I have hit an all time low. Not yet rock bottom, but loooooooooooooooooow. You know that part of the ocean where it is SO deep that all the things that live there are totally white cuz there is no sun? Yep, that low. That's me. So low in fact, that even as I write this, I am giggling at the lowness.
I have been getting up with Rick every day, so I won't fall into the trap of sleeping in. Why? Should I ever find a fucking job and I have to wake up early, it won't totally fuck me up. I know, I'm smart. Anyways, I have a routine. Open eye's at 7am. Rick brings me coffee and puts in it on the nightstand then he gets into the shower. At about 7:30, I am awake enough to grab coffee and watch the morning news. Rick and I have a smoke before he leaves (no smoking in the car) and then I am left to my own devices. I make myself breakfast, turn on the tube and the laptap and nestle into the couch to look for a job and watch some TV. Cool right? Usually I stick around the movie channels. I have never said I have the best taste in movies or TV programming as I tend to like some pretty lame shit. There are no good movies on, which sucks, so I surf. I settle upon VH1, where there is a half hour of "never seen footage" of the Rock of Love show. Sweet, I'm on it. By the way, before you think I am a couch potato, I usually just have the TV on in the background while I am on the computer. The ROL show is over and I am reading Perez Hilton, so I just leave VH1 on. The show that comes on next is something that even I, Erin, lover of all that is teeny bopper movies and all kinds of "reality" shows, appalls me. It is called "I know my kids a Star". Basically its all these mom's and their precocious little pre-teens living in a house trying to make their kid the next child star. To add insult to injury, Danny Bonaduce is the host. This show is terrible. These mom's are absolutely nuts. This one mom actually looks like she belongs on the Rock of Love show. Big ol' fake boobies and donkey Veneers. They had to take face shots of their kids and the kids had to audition for a sneaker commercial, complete with a choreographer. I just can't even explain how bad this show is. If your kid is the next child star, I think you just know, right? Why can't you let your kid be a kid? Rick's ma used to take him and his brother out for modeling and acting gigs. They had head shots and everything. They were both great and they did lots of commercials and adds, but there came a point where they didn't want to do it anymore and they stopped. She didn't push them, she didn't keep them in it longer than they wanted. That's a good stage mom. Why can't these mom's do that? If there kid has that "it" factor, then it will come out naturally. Instead they push and push and exploit the shit out of them to get what they want. It's just sad. What's even more sad? I wasted an hour watching this piece of shit programming. Hence, the new all time low : )
Nothing else new to report here. I applied for 2 jobs this week. One was at an animal sanctuary where disabled kitty's are rescued and live out their days. The other one was a waitress at a local card room. Crazy, I know, but the tip's might be nice and I love me some poker.
The days are getting warmer and the hills are nice and green again. We are looking at 80 degrees and higher for the next couple of days.
I have my class tonight. Let's keep our fingers crossed that we get our mid term grades!
Ta Ta for now.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Fuming and smoldering, all at the same time

There, only slightly vulgar, but exactly what I am feeling right now. If you read yesterday's entry, then you will know that I had my poop class last night and was anticipating getting my grade on my evil, satanic, time sucking, idiotically written mid-term. Yeah, I guess that was to much to fucking ask. Leland and I head to class (sans Dave and Larry, they chose to take the night off). We get there, no teach. We go outside and smoke, still no teach. We go back into class and the few people that are there are milling about, chatting and whatnot. Now it is 10 after 7 and we are starting to think that teach is a no show. SWEET! Now Leland and I can go to a bar (which is what we wanted to do anyways, but went to class simply hoping that we would get our test's back). Then in walks this librarian looking guy, complete with a sweater vest (which was Pink, I might add) and a jaunty little driving cap sitting atop his noggin. WTF? This dude is SO not our teacher. He apologizes for being late, said he couldn't find the class and could we please stop chatting and commence with the class. A little back story, our professor (not really a professer at all, but I am tired of using the word teacher) has guest teachers come in for certain topics. Now, on to our tale. Out comes my syllabus, which is completely fucked up cuz dipshit got the dates for spring break wrong. I gather that this is going to be the dude to talk about Disenfection, which was what was scheduled for last week (we didn't have class cuz it was spring break, back to the syllabus screw up). So I ask.."you don't by any chance have our test's do ya?", Whereupon he says no and commenced with the lecture. And lecture he did folks. From 7:10 to 8:30, when he graciously let us out for a merciful 10 minute break, then from 8:40 straight thru to 10:00pm.
Now, as mixed up as our teach is, we always get a twenty minute break and he never goes till 10. Pink sweater vest was a fucking machine. Nice enough guy, but DAYUM, homeboy love him a little Disenfection talk. Anyways, I am super pissed that we didn't get our tests back. I really really really want to know how I did. Shit, it sucked away 6 hours of my life and all I want is my grade. *sigh* what a pisser.
On the upside (I am trying to always add an upside now, my lame attempt to be a bit more positive), Rick let me have THE car today. I went and get her all washed and cleaned up. She looks so pretty now.
I'm off to work on a birthday present for a party I am attending tomorrow. I gotta reign all my creative juices in and knuckle down. Time for a good movie on in the background and a nice cold Miller Highlife.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Pretty days and nobody to play with

One of the many sucky things about being unemployed is the fact that none of my friends can come out and play with me. Here I am, sitting in my backyard on a beautiful spring day, smoking and drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper. Blogging, of course, for sheer lack of nothing better to do. My errands are done, I have studied for class tonight and the Washer and Dryer are plugging away. There is a pile of ironing to do, but I am putting that off due to the overwhelming injury occurrences. Why I can't get through ironing without burning myself, I will never know.
Searched all job sites? Check. Perez Hilton, DListed and TMZ surfed? Check. Stupid movie of the day watched? Check check. Today's cinematic masterpiece was To Die For, with Nicole Kidman playing a crazy ass weather girl and the delightfully talented (and hot, even with a mullet) Joaquin Phoenix playing her 16 year old lover who axes her husband. Stupid Stupid Stupid. Not a good movie at all. I guess it is slightly better my movie adventures on Monday, and by slightly, I only mean it was better cuz it was a movie I hadn't seen before. The play list on Monday was The Hills Have Eyes (the 2006 version, blech. Bloody as hell, there is a dog murder and the actors sucked), Disturbia (for the 1000th time..can't get enough of that cute little bastard Shia) and The Blair Witch Project (I enjoy this movie and like to have it on in the background if I am doing something else). *sigh* I am lame. Even worse, and I can't believe I am going to share this with you, is that when I give in to the pile of shirts that is in need of pressing, I will put in my favorite ironing movie, Transformers. Again with the Shia addiction. The things that surface when you have nothing but time eh?
I do not believe I mentioned that I do have a bit of a job on Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's did I? From 8:15 to 12:15, I watch the little ankle biter that is my niece Hannah. She is 17 months old and pretty cute. Very mellow but wickedly mobile so I have to watch her every move. Soda is slightly intrigued by her and will hang out, but Whiskey is like "peace out yo. Da shorty is here and I am getting da fuck out of dodge. I be chillin' under da bed in the spare room till she exits homey." I must say though, I am enjoying her company. She answers back when I talk, which is a serious step up from the cats and I can take here anywhere. I can take her out to breakfast, shopping, errand running. She even likes the grocery store, if I give her something that she can hold while we roll (grapefruits work really well) and even better if I give her something to snack on. That's another thing, she has these chubby little toddler hands right, so they can't hold much but they can definitely pinch the shit out of you. I have these little Gerber dried apple bites that she likes, so I bring a baggie full of 'em. I pull out a couple and she grabs them (enter the pinching here) and she takes a handfull but can't hold them all, so we leave a trail of apple cubes wherever we go. I had to revisit an aisle for something that I forgot and I must have stepped on 10 of them. It made me giggle, which in turn made her giggle and I gotta tell ya...toddler laughter is a beautiful sound.
So that's that folks. Movie chatter and gushing auntie talk. That's it. I got's nothing else.
I will hopefully have more to write about tomorrow as tonight is poop class and I hope to get my grade on my evil time sucking mid-term. Which means, dear readers, that tomorrows post could be full of puppies and candy-canes or wrought with every vulgar word, and some I might make up, that I can think of.