un-fucking-believeable

dude. I had to write about this. First off, I have no idea how anorexics can make themselves throw up. Really, it's disgusting and ridiculously hard to do. Plus, there is a lot of slobber involved. Why you ask? Get ready, this is a good one.

So, I'm in bed and my stomach starts a'rumblin'. I get up and decide that I want pancakes. I make up the batter, get my homemade syrup out of the fridge so it can warm up and turn the griddle on. So far so good. I am super excited to be having pancakes. I make 2 gloriously huge cakes, nice and fluffy. I butter them up, grab the syrup and my cup of coffee, head to the couch to finish Notting Hill and eat my utterly delightful breakfast. About half way through, I spear a square of pancake and notice something weird. There is a greenish slime on the square!!! Now, there was nothing green about the batter. The milk and eggs were fresh. When mixing it up I noticed nothing out of the ordinary. So I freak out. Completely. I go to the kitchen and look in the batter. No floaters of anything alien. I take out my syrup container and notice in the top, there looks like a bit of what I saw on the pancake, but I can't tell. The syrup isnt even old. I mean, for fuck sakes, all it is sugar, water and maple extract!! More freaking out. Now I am thinking that I have ingested some crazy bacteria/pathogen that is going to kill me. I run to the bathroom and spend the next 10 minutes with my finger down my throat, trying to make myself throw up. I need to get the pancakes out! Well, without trying to make y'all barf, I managed to get some of it out, but I know there are still some partially digested pancakes in my belly. So I say this. Consider it a public service announcement if you will, should I end up in the hospital poisoned by some unknown alien slime. I have put a sample of the slime and pancake in the fridge. As is the syrup container. I want to keep it in case it is needed for testing to determine what medical action needs to be taken. Pay attention folks, you could be accomplices to saving my life : ) I blame my new found germ phobia on my poop class. What if it is some crazy mutant sugar based algae that is lethal??? God, I hope I don't get some kind of food poisoning. ok. I am a fruitcake and might be overreacting a bit. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, I am hungry again.


UPDATE!!!
Ok, it has been 3 hours since the Revenge of the Green Slime. No projectile vomiting, no dizziness or fever, no stomach cramps, I'm not growing a new head and there are no signs of gangrene. I think it might be safe to say that I did not ingest the mysterious slime. I just polished off a sammich from Port O' Subs and it seems to be sitting in my stomach well. I am currently having a ciggarette and that seems to be going ok as well. Don't think I am throwing that sample away though. It is still in the fridge. I will post an update before I leave for class. That is, if I am alive and well and not praying to the porcelain gods

UPDATE #2!!
I am back from class. No exorcist reenactments. No explosive diarrhea. Nada. I am thinking that I must have avoided eating the slime, somehow..I have no clue. I was hoovering those fucking pancakes. Why I chose to look down right as the gook covered confection was hanging off my fork...I will never know : )